If I recall it right, I was disturbed when you approached me beyond our professional relationship, I was afraid to fall knowing the contrasting views we have. We first argued about "doing a little evil for the greater good". You continued communicating to me by justifying it with, "in every goodbye there is another hello". With that, I prayed hard as to what the Lord wants me to do with you, God said, "minister to him, lead him to Me" and fear not how your heart will go with it. God's peace came upon me and so I decided to accommodate you.
Our different opinions on many things kept flooding but we always end up agreeing because we find settlement over the issues by referring to the Bible. It was amazing how we manage to listen to each other's views. In fact, you're the better listener. Though how many times we were confronted with conflicts, we were able to overcome them simply because we talked. As to the final decision of our situation, we never talked, you just kept your silence and i begged you to break it and there's the GOODBYE.
Despite all that differences, we were happy. You kept telling me that if we are together you are happy and you have peace. For all the happy memories that I am now struggling forgetting--I regret having them with you instead of my one true love. The sad thing is I do not know what was true in all that has been said and done. The irony, what started as a lie continued to be such and concluded with the truth----- the truth that i fell for a lie.
After deep thinking, I went back to the very reason why I allowed you to be a part of my life, it was to help you grow in your relationship with God. I am grateful to God that i saw it "started". You learned how to pray, read the Bible and seek God first in everything. You were just trapped with another stumbling stone in your life which I prayed that you will be freed therefrom and not fall on it ever again otherwise there would be another person who would be hurt like I've been.
Relationship is not about only how much we love each other but on how could that relationship will be used by God for His greater glory. I thought ours was on that track considering that we were talking about how we could lead others in our field to be conscious about God. It was not revolving about us but us and God's work with us for others and for His glory. This is the very reason that I did not easily gave up. I had a vision as to how we will serve the Lord together.
On top of that, a decision has already been made. One that i have to respect and to surrender to God. God allowed such encounter that you could go back to Him and grow in your faith and relationship with Him and for me to know better of my vulnerabilities. I am happy to be used by God for your soul's sake. :-)
1 Peter 2:20
20 For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.
Though I felt pain, it was nothing knowing that God is pleased. It was good that He used me to lead you to deepen your faith in Him.
I am excited as to what lies ahead knowing that God is perfect and kind. All will be beautiful in His time :-)
pic taken from actscommunitychurches.com
surrender to God but do not give up the fight
i'll repeat
in every battle
i'll fight hard down on my knees
According to a friend, "It is all now part of the past and I am glad that you are not bitter."
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